just a series of blurs, like I never occured
by Measured
Summary: There is a trace of human negligence in every experiment. Nagase Kai/Gaku, White Flower spoilers.


Title: just a series of blurs, like I never occurred.

Day/Theme: May 21st / I chose to do wrong in the hope that right might come (06)

Series: Sukisyo

Character/Pairing: (Nagase) Kai/Gaku

Rating: PG

Summary: There is a trace of human negligence in every experiment. KaiGaku, White Flower spoilers.

A/N: This goes purely on drama canon which might make those on anime canon go "!?" so I'll explain the context. Partway through White Flower Kai began to start drugging Gaku to make him forget about his existence to protect him. (The result is – well, spoiler – that Gaku eventually breaks free..via the power of LOVE apparently and Kai admits he loves Gaku. But he also fell in love with Ren while he was drugged and had forgotten Kai.)

Considering the After Stories manga, Nagase probably loved Gaku all along though rather failed to show it before then.)

This piece uses a rather experimental style I played with about 06 that I've since not used as much, as well as present tense which I used a lot more back then.

The title is from "Someday You Will Be Loved" by Death Cab For Cutie. Written with the weekly challenge theme "I am only practicing the art of saying goodbye"

**.**

All is silent tonight. Just a near-empty classroom, the sunlight is faint, falling in thin and fading lines along the floor. The dual chalkboard still has some equations and recipes (the cause and effect, the truth and consequences.) the erasers haven't been clapped, the floor hasn't been swept and the steel countertops still have smudges and fingerprints laced across the edges.

The liquid is clear, it bubbles almost ominously, and swirls around in the his gloved hand. Kai inspects it, turning it every which way; the waning light catching it, reflecting off of it like a cheap faux suncatcher. (The same suncatcher that used to entrance Gaku, he'd sit for hours, laying back and watching it dance over the walls)

The theorem is sound, each component is triple-checked. There is a trace of human negligence in every experiment. He vaguely wonders what will be the downfall of this one.

Memories seep out of every corner in this classroom, from the refraction of light on the sloping metal sinks to the stools which Gaku will perch upon, watching as if there was nothing in the world more important than this experiment. (He remembers: the sunlight was in his eyes that day, how annoying, the door opened and there was the new club members, one boy lingered in the doorway, entranced by his surroundings. "Are you lost?" he'd said, the boy – Gaku woke from his stupor "no~ I think I've just been _found!_")

He took the vial off the burner, and let it cool. (The silence has never bothered him, but now it is one more reminder that Gaku isn't here to fill it.)

"Sorry I was late! I was helping Ren with his homework" The slams open, then shut behind him.(One of these days it will surely break)

He nods towards him. Still, imperceptible little details show through, a weariness in Gaku's movements. A Side effect? Mentally, he made a note to add that for the list he was compiling. (He remembers: Gaku's boundless energy, how nothing seemed to ever seemed to deter him, harsh words never kept him down long, in a half hour he'd be just the same, so buoyant and full of hope.)

"Gaku. Your medicine."

("repeat after me. 'I will forget you'.

"Kai..."

"Perhaps a mistake in dosage.")

Gaku's eyes become cloudy after the first sip. "Go on," Kai says, and Gaku downs the rest of vial.

"You will forget me," he says evenly.

(He remembers: the first kiss, first touch, how it was so awkward, noses bumping and moving to find a place that fit. Gaku fell limp in his arms, his pulse racing wildly under his fingers, how their bodyheat intermingled, the smell of the soap Gaku used, so plain, something that shouldn't be memorable–

He remembers how there were a thousand little _I love yous_ in the hours spent overtime, the look in Gaku's eyes, half-burned bento boxes made and hours upon hours spent researching just the right equation for class–)

"You will forget," Kai says again.

(but I won't, he thinks.)


End file.
